Senior year is everyone’s favorite year.It is the end of an old, stale life and the beginning of an exciting – soon to be – old, stale life; an era of crazy parties and plummeting test grades; a year that could be relived a thousand times but should probably be left alone to die in the corner; a period filled with crying and more crying and still more crying because your BFF is going to Temple and you’re going to Rutgers and blah, blah, blah; a year with absolutely no ramifications – even if you are being tried as an adult; but most of all, it is a time for reflection journey through one of the most prestigious and well-financed government institutions in the world – the American public school system.

Oh yes, I have learned. I have loved. I have felt the hot air and the cool breeze. I have felt the sand between my toes and the rain down my back. I have broken hearts and have had my own broken. I know the grassy knoll and the frozen snow. I have murdered in cold blood. I have collected shells. I have burned down houses. I have chugged three yahoos in under sixty seconds. I know what its like to have someone’s mailbox splinter underneath your brandishing baseball bat and to feel the pieces graze against the cover of your ski mask. Ah yes, high school has taught me so much over the years.

I remember back in sophomore year when Johnny Rascals and Kevin Box lit themselves on fire to prove that spontaneous combustion wasn’t really as spontaneous as it was made out to be. After dousing the flames, my biology teacher, Mr. Fishman, promptly scolded the two smoldering corpses and called their parents, who – after the funerals – grounded them for two weeks. I remember learning from that experience how it important it is to always follow the teacher’s instructions – even when you’re dead.

From contaminating the school’s water reserve to unconventional animal sacrifices, I have done my best to leave a mark on this school.

Now that I think about, I’ll probably be most remembered for my performance with my heavy metal band Toothpaste Maintenance at the Affluent Children Awareness (ACA) fundraiser, an event to make sure that kids who are wealthier than you can feel accepted in society.

We played a total of five songs, including a speed metal version of Nsync’s “Bye, Bye, Bye” and an original piece called “Douse the Flames with More Fire” so that the little kids didn’t feel left out.

Although I had a great time, I don’t think the parents appreciated the goat skull costumes or the fire-breathing mermaid we set upstage. Even when I pointed out that they weren’t goat skull costumes but the skeletal remnants of their children’s pets fashioned together with super glue and duct tape, they didn’t seem to appreciate the performance.

But alas, with all my efforts to help the school I feel sad to leave it. I have thrown so much energy into East that I can’t help but wish to stay here longer. I never was able to finish massacring every incoming freshman or collect the three thousand index fingers I needed to finish my larger-than-life finger painting sculpture – constructed out of actual fingers.

I suppose I’ll just have to visit sometime next year.