Bradley has newfound passion for Tea Party views

For those of you who think political primary debates are boring, filthy things, chock-full of talking-points, with no impact on the actual problems facing the workingman or workingwoman, think again. Michael Bradley, 65, of Cherry Hill, New Jersey, likened the experience of watching the Tea Party Republican debate on September 12, 2011, to an epiphany. Mr. Bradley, who described himself before the experience as “a bleeding-heart liberal,” now says he has had a new change of heart.

“Listening to those articulate politicians felt like a lightning-bolt of newfound knowledge had just hit me square in the face, simmering my brain cells with the muddy-colored water from the kettle of Tea Party enlightenment,” he said. “In particular, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry swept me away. Those people put Steven Hawking to shame. I thought to myself, ‘move over, Jefferson, Paine, Machiavelli, and Marx, there are new political theorists in town.”’

He says he felt great antipathy towards government now.

“I mean, these people made great points. Who is the government to tell me how much lead should be in the paint that coats my children’s toys? If I want to my children to play with blocks of lead themselves, my children will darn well play with blocks of lead themselves.”

He agreed with Michele Bachmann’s earlier comments that the Department of Education should be abolished.

“The Department of Education, give me a break. I ain’t never had no education, and look at me. I done turned out just fine.”

When asked about the role of government in individual citizen’s lives, he sided with the Tea Party.

“This is America,” he said. “The government shouldn’t help you. I never needed any handouts. The government needs to stay out of my life. Survival of the fittest; it’s nature’s law. I mean, as long as I have the government give me subsidies for my business, Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security, I’m golden. I don’t need any government help.”

He tended to disparage government in general.

“Besides providing the military that keeps me safe, the postal service that delivers my mail, the roads I drive on, help to the sick and needy, food for poor children, health care to the poor, protection of the environment, public libraries so we can access books, building codes that protect lives, the police, fire, and emergency services that keep order and save countless lives, and schools that educate our children, what has government ever done for me? Besides those small, miniscule, irrelevant, and pointless things, practically nothing.”

He spoke on economic issues; “Those job creators are really going to get the economy rolling. Though corporations have seen record growth and profit, I’m sure they’ll help the rest of Americans out. After all, they are in business to make profit. Didn’t that Jesus fella say “blessed are the rich?” No? Oh, well. Still, who has ever heard of a greedy Wall Street executive, destructive oil company, or dishonest business man? No one.”

He ended with an assault on people of opposite political opinions.

“Because I love the Constitution and Bill of Rights so much, I want government to infringe upon freedom of speech by using the semi-legal enactments such as the Patriot Act to wiretap the people’s lines so that America knows everyone who doesn’t think like I do is an un-American, red, commie, Nazi, pinko, Bolshevik, Marxist, socialist, anarchist, tree-hugging, Rachel Maddow-loving, fascist, Maoist liberal. God bless America.”