Bi-Weekly Entertainment Update

Oscars: The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, too, has been hit hard by the economic recession. Next Sunday the Academy Awards will be televised, but some changes from past ceremonies will be made. The most notable change will be the absence of the actual statuettes themselves. In a statement released earlier this week, the Academy said that it “will be presenting doodles of the Oscars for the winning actors.” The doodles will be drawn by the children of the producers of the event, in efforts to save money. The replacement of the awards for drawings comes from a lack of funding. The Academy said it used the money it had for the statuettes to purchase dark chocolate flower arrangements for the tables and gift baskets. “We believe that dark chocolate is the world’s most precious gift, even more so than a solid gold statue,” the Academy said. A portion of the money also went to dyeing the red carpet a lighter shade so that it would not “clash” with the fashion tastes of several attendees.  

Grey’s Anatomy stars leaving: Two prominent stars of the ABC show “Grey’s Anatomy” are reportedly trying to leave the show, currently in its fifth season. T.R. Knight and Katherine Heigl, costars on the medical drama and real-life friends, have tried to keep rumors of their departure at a minimum. The two have supposedly made up their own language and have been disrupting production of the show by exhibiting strange behavior on set. Recently they were seen launching flaming onions at the other actors. One anonymous source, a star of the show, said “They have been acting like divas on drugs.” The source also says that Hiegl and Knight have been seen lurking in the shadows of the set, whispering random adjectives to any person who walks past them. Several crew members quit after Heigl and Knight threw gelatin molds at the camera crew during a rehearsal. The two have been making strange demands for their trailers, such as stickers of themselves, in addition to colored water with unspecified numbers of artificial flavoring.  

Twilight still in headlines: Since its release in theaters in November, “Twilight” has made headlines daily. No one quite knows when, or even if, “Twilight mania” will end. The film’s two main stars, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Bell, have incited such high levels of hysteria from fans that government officials fear a coup. Analysts report that, should the stars, “especially Robert Pattinson,” choose to stage a rebellion and take “control of a grocery store or the White House,” no weapon or piece of technology today could stop them. Scientists and theorists alike have even ruled out classic vampire folklore methods of combating the two. Pattinson has thus far shown no signs of being a power-hungry celebrity, but psychics predict a change soon. Pattinson is scheduled to attend a White House dinner next Sunday to watch the Oscars with President Obama. Pattinson managed to get the Secret Service to agree to this plan simply by flashing them a smile. Some fear that while at the White House, Pattinson will try to install a puppet government, one in which he will control the United States.