Freshmen welcome “Fifty Shades of Grey” to the new curriculum

Drew Hoffman ('18)/ For Eastside

A new book has welcomed its way into the freshman reading curriculum, and it goes by the name “Fifty Shades of Grey.” The book, written by award-winning author E.L. James, is designed to draw interest and knowledge into sexual relations for students.

Though the English Department had a tough time deciding whether or not to distribute the book to teenagers under the age of sixteen, it ultimately succumbed and the vote ended in a large margin.

“The title says it all. This book is clearly based on the science of the color grey. This will help students bring Science and English together and keep them interested in both subjects,” exclaimed Mrs. Shmecker, head of the English Department, “That’s why I voted to put it in the curriculum.”

Some administrators voted based on popular students’ opinions. Jonathan Tucker had some strong words on the book, and he said “This book is magnificent. It is comprehensible and really puts smiles on teenagers’ faces.”

Abigail Suarez had quite a dissimilar opinion. Suarez said, “This book is inappropriate and unacceptable. I cannot believe any human being would make children read this book.”

Many students were confused when they saw the new title on the list of their required reading lists.

“This has to have been a mistake,” Jessica Lewis (’18) said. “Did someone click the wrong button? Are they trying to play a joke on us? I’m super confused as to why they would make us read this ridiculous novel.”

The books have just been ordered and should be arriving at East in approximately twelve business days. This gives the faculty time to make lessons, quizzes and even read the book for those who have not already.

When the school district added this piece of literature to the curriculum, English teachers from other towns have introduced the idea of adding it to their own curriculum.

Who would have thought that back when this book was published, it would soon be added to a high school curriculum that otherwise features Shakespeare and Chaucer? Now, since it has been added, students cannot help but wonder what marvelous piece of literature will be approved next.