Cheetahs spotted in Savannah, Georgia

Meredith Medoway ('10)/Eastside Humor Editor

Local authorities are currently investigating the appearance of wild cheetahs in a residential neighborhood in Savannah, Georgia on Tuesday, August 26.

The Misuse of Wildlife Federation (MWF) is now focusing their attention on the activists group, Zealous Activists Against Captive Kitties (ZAACK). The group made a mistake while trying to free cheetahs from several zoos across Canada. The leader of ZAACK, Tony Bog, accidentally mistook the historic town of Savannah, Georgia, for the African Savannah.

“I believe it was an honest mistake,” says Bog, “You know kind of like a Freudian slip, just of more importance, and expenditure.”

 Currently, captive forces from MWF are attempting to remove the felines. However, the cheetahs, adjusting to their new habitat, have joined human families.

Some citizens have given their new inhabitants a red-carpet greeting. 

“My cheetah color coordinates with all of my outfits,” says Peppy Sugarfoot, age 13, “But my teachers won’t let me bring him to class, something about the intimidating fangs… I, for one, think they’re the cutest things since the Labradoodle.”

Others do not have such amenable wardrobes.

“He clashes with everything I own,” says Henrietta Drab, a consistent stripe-wearer, “and one ate my bunny.” 

Except the cheetahs are doing more than just enhancing or ruining resident’s attires. The overall attitude throughout the city has improved greatly. Many young teenagers commented that the new additions have even helped their grades.

“Fellow teachers and I have stationed cheetahs in the classrooms to keep a watchful eye on the students that tend to gaze off into space during my lectures,” says Thomas Munch, a 10th grade history teacher, “So far, so good.”

“I could not be happier,” says Mayor Sam Rightly, “The cheetahs have boosted the spirit of our citizens. More individuals than ever attended the town fun fair due to the chance of winning a baby cheetah instead of a stinky goldfish in a plastic bag.”

Despite most of the city’s friendly reception to the cheetahs, MWF continues to search and attempt to capture the remainder of the cats and return them to the zoos they were taken from.  

Photo illustration by Nickee Plaksen (‘10)/ Eastside Photo Editor