Monopoly Movie
The well of creative, innovative, dramatic and comic Hollywood films has clearly run dry with the production of a Monopoly-based film. One Hollywood insider revealed, anonymously for fear of being exiled from Tinsletown, that movie executives get their movie ideas by getting drunk and playing a combination of Twister and Clue. The film will star the iconic game board sitting on a kitchen table, with the camera focusing on each piece of paper property for five minutes at a time. To really bring in the big bucks there will even be a narration by Tom Cruise to spice up the dated, but constantly updated game.
When TV shows don’t get enough viewers
Two NBC shows, Lipstick Jungle and My Own Worst Enemy, have been cancelled–the latter after only four episodes. The lack of viewership on the NBC shows apparently led the stars of Lipstick Jungle to go into the jungle, and get lost amidst the thicket of designer lip wear. When discovered, the actresses had deforested the jungle, taking with them all of the lipstick, leaving viewers with no lipstick and no jungle. For My Own Worst Enemy, television proved to be the fateful foe, and thus the show is being rewritten as an Opera. The Christian Slater show couldn’t garner high viewership with its split personality and espionage theme, but perhaps it will do so onstage. The show is set to debut soon, featuring all of the actors from the TV show, and has already created Tony Award buzz. To add to the hype, scientists are working on a way to give Slater multiple personalities, ensuring the performance will be authentic to the show.
A world all its own
The two poles of Hollywood, Hollywood, California and New York, New York, have between them a distance of thousands of miles, presenting numerous obstacles for actors, actresses and producers of TV shows and movies. To solve this problem, the various guilds of Hollywood (Screen Actors Guild, Writers Guild of America, etc.) have banded together and are petitioning for the ability to secede from the Union and form their own nation, Star Island. Led by top secessionist, Todd Palin, husband of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, the group hopes to overtake Hawaii and use the island as the epicenter of Hollywood’s entertainment productions. Many of the stars feel that, being so beautiful, elegant, glamorous and rich as they are, they should not have to be subject to the common people of the world. Tickets to Star Island for fans to see, but not touch, stare at or speak of or at, will go on sale following the establishment of the nation.