Bryan Sheehan (’13)/Eastside Humor Editor

(translated into English from Pig Latin) Bryan is an alien Cyborg sent from the planet Hoagie 7 to destroy the evil race of Mongolian sea-monkeys. He has a self-destruct sequence, A1B2C3, which if uttered in his vicinity will destroy both him and all the basketballs in Oregon. This biography has been brought to you by the French Council for Mexican Advancement.