King Markowitz posts decree on field trips

Steven Markowitz ('10)/ Eastside Underground Editor

I, King Markowitz, voted for by you, the good people of East, find it my responsibility to create new laws to improve my kingdom of Cherry Hill High School East.

My first law shall be that every class, academic or elective, be required to go on at least three field trips per year. Field trips are an excellent way to do hands-on learning outside of school and a valuable resource that many teachers fail to take advantage of. I will make this law easy for the teachers by giving them suggestions for each department.

Science: The Evil Lair of Dr. _______

Unlike science teachers at East, mad scientists are experts in all areas of science, which makes their laboratories perfect locations for field trips. Biology and anatomy students can study the mutilated human and animal experiments gone horribly wrong. Chemists can observe the bubbling, color-changing liquids inside strange shaped beakers. Physicists can record the dimensions of the machine that, when a marble is dropped, causes a long chain reaction that ultimately dispenses food into a cat bowl. A final warning to teachers: do not leave any of your students there, or they might become experiments.

Mathematics: An Amusement Park

For math students, amusement parks are perfect because in addition to being “fun,” amusement parks provide real life applications for math skills. Students can, for example, study the functions and vectors formed by the roller coasters and practice their skills at calculating in extreme conditions. Note: if you are worried about damaging your $1000 new super calculator, you should know that Texas Instruments has just released the new T.I. All Terrain Power Glove for calculating in all conditions such as upside-down, in blizzards or even on the ocean floor.

History: Dave & Busters in Philadelphia

Teachers, I understand how you might be confused at first, but let me explain what Dave & Busters has to do with history. First off, I am fairly certain that Philadelphia had some role in the Revolutionary War, right? D&B also gives students the chance to study alternate histories, such as one in which zombies take over (House of the Dead) or one in which people are forced to dance to Japanese techno music (Dance Dance Revolution). Lastly, psychology students can observe the attitude and mindset of a gamer in his or her natural habitat.

English: Baltimore Harbor

English is all about reading literature, so what better place to visit than the Baltimore harbor in Maryland, which has a giant, two story tall Barnes & Noble with state of the art fish tanks, see-through escalators and smoke stacks. Students can find literally any book they desire and enjoy some hot coffee at this unique book store. And if students somehow get bored (although this is very unlikely given the exciting nature of book stores) there are the ESPN center and the Baltimore aquarium, located a convenient 30 seconds away.

World Language: An Airport

What better place to observe a plethora of different cultures and languages than an airport. Fairly straightforward, sit outside any terminal and watch the passengers come off, just be cautious, these people many be a little confused so do not crowd or take flash photography. Extra credit: escort a family who speaks your language of study from the terminal to their transport.

Everything Else: Franklin Institute

The Franklin Institute has everything, and teachers I am positive that with a little creativity you can fit it into your curriculum (let me remind you it is the law).

Teachers, follow these guidelines and your students will have a fun and educational experience, just make sure you remember the golden rule of field trips: do not give any work during the actual trip whatsoever.

Your King, Steve Markowitz