Joker wins presidential election

Justin Horowitz ('10)/Eastside Staff

With a 60 percent popular vote and an Electoral College victory over both Senator Barack Obama and Senator John McCain, the Joker will become the U.S. President.  The election’s less prominent third party candidates included Ralph Nader, Bob Barr, Darth Vader, the Wicked Witch of the West, Dr. Evil, the Jigsaw Killer, Scarface and Dracula. Though entering late in the race, the Joker won America ‘s heart quickly through several of his speeches. He is most famous for his “Scars” speech at Gotham City Hall.

Dr. Hannibal Lecter, who dropped out of the presidential race early after disturbing voters with his oath to legalize cannibalism, is one of the Joker’s biggest supporters. He claims the Joker will bring much to the Presidency.

When asked about how he would revive the struggling economy, the Joker responded: “Why so serious?”  When questioned about political background, the Joker answered by selecting running mate Harvey “Two-Face” Dent. A former Gotham District Attorney who went on a killing spree following his girlfriend’s death, Dent has the political experience to be the Vice President.

When asked about his plan to take on the health care lobbyists, the Joker responded: “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” The Joker, despite his soft view on health care lobbyists, seems like he has a plan to take on Wall Street and the corrupt CEOs. He claims he’s going to show each CEO a magic trick.

There has been opposition to the Joker’s campaign. One of his biggest opponents, Batman, has said to the media, “I’m extremely confused. This makes no sense. How did this sociopath end up getting elected to the Presidency?”

Campaign advertisements for the Joker were everywhere, including his campaign slogans of “Why so serious?” and “You wanna know how I got these scars?” At rallies, supporters were seen waving pencils (campaign symbol).

A Joker supporter said, “This is great. He’s going to revolutionize the Presidency. He’ll be the greatest president since Abraham Lincoln, I can just tell.”

The Joker will be the first President to have green hair.