Infomercial product reviews

Zach Schwartz ('10)/Eastside Staff

If one thing on this earth completely mystifies me, it has to be the fact that people buy the cheesy mail-order products and appliances advertised on tv. I’ve been around the internet a few times, and the general consensus I gleaned from reading product reviews is that these products are “useless.” These advertisements also–without fail–compare the price to “similar products”, the existence of which sort of cheapens the appeal of the product in question.

 And yet, people still buy them, to name a few:

1.)The Snuggie

I’m sure we’ve all heard of this one. For the uninitiated, a snuggie is essentially a Robe that you put on backwards. It’s advertised as a blanket with sleeves, and people assure me that it’s very comfortable. And yet I will not be swayed! While wearing it, you will be ridiculed by everyone in the room. wearing a snuggie comes down to the question “How ridiculous am I willing to look to remain warm and comfortable?” As if wearing a saggy, oversized and backwards robe wasn’t enough, the Snuggie is also made from a shiny, silky material similar to what’s found in book-socks. So, now you’re comfortable. But at what price?

Pros: Stay warm while retaining mobility; Feel like a wizard; camoflage against the side of a barn.

Cons: People will think you’re a cultist; Red style may attract angry bulls.

2.) My little reminder

My little reminder is a tiny recording device, designed to assist people with bad memories. Of course, these people could easily just buy a memo pad and save quite a bit of money, but that is by far overestimating the average american. In the advertisement, an old woman with no acting ability laments her inability to find her car in a parking lot. If only there was some kind of recording device that could save her! Preferably one that is cheaply made and drastically overpriced!

pros: Able to record (very short messages); Can make you feel like a spy, albeit one with a limited budget

cons: Customer reviews say that the device isn’t so great at recording, which is the raw purpose of the device; the lingering feeling of regret you’ll get when you see the memo pad sitting on your kitchen table.

3.) The Magic bullet.

The magic bullet is unique in that–as far as I can tell–it is actually a semi-functional product. Though apparently powered by magic, it’s still a bit of a misnomer as this product is (to the best of my knowledge) not a bullet of any kind. Rather, it’s a rather small blender/juicer/mixer/cyclone of whirling blades. It earns points, however, for having one of the best infomercials I’ve ever seen. In short: Several character archetypes wake up after a wild party (some with hangovers) and decide that the first order of business should be to make more alcoholic beverages using the Legendary Magic Bullet. It plays out like a sitcom, and it’s wonderful.

Pros: Device is apparently magic; does a fine job of mixing things; can be the focus of a party if your friends are boring enough.

Cons: Will attract British stereotypes to your house, which will then become the set of an infomercial.

As you can see, the only reason any sane person would want to own these things is for the bragging rights and/or comedic value. Now if you’ll excuse me, my little reminder just reminded me that I’m due for mixing drinks with the rest of the snuggie cult.