Did you know that elephants have greeting ceremonies when a friend that has been away for some time returns to the group? No. You probably didn’t. But I did! Hi, I’m sophomore Dora Findlemen, a.k.a “Fact Girl.” As you can probably guess by my nickname, I know some pretty wicked facts. Oh, phfff. I’m not going to be modest: I know more facts, cool facts to be specific, than you will ever know in your life….your entire life.
Some may believe the constant regurgitation of facts would become annoying, but that’s only like five percent of the population. The other ninety five percent adores my facts. Well, actually they usually don’t pay much attention to them and may even give me a few queer looks, but their stares are actual manifestations of their admirations of my talents. I remember my first fact. I was sitting in the library doing a research paper, when I went online to look something up. As I was delving through the ponds of internet information, I saw an annoying ad that said “Click here to learn something new.” All I could think was, “How stupid do they honestly think I am to click this ad?” But then I decided, “Why not?” That’s when I read it: Every time you lick a stamp, you’re consuming 1/10 of a calorie. I was mesmerized. The first thing I thought was, “The world must know this.” Actually, to be more precise, the first thing I thought was that I am never licking another stamp, because I don’t need to be consuming any more unnecessary calories than I already do. But anyways, I spent the rest of the day telling the world.
I told my English teacher, my best friend, the pizza-delivery man, the plumber who was fixing our toilet. The plumber was so fond of my fact that he actually stood up to thank me instead of allowing my face to be exposed to his plumber’s crack. Anyways, the point was that this simple, yet unknown fact was not only the best thing to ever happen to me, but it hooked me on cool facts. I was like a Belgium student in love with his harmonica; it makes sense if you understood the cool fact that people in Belgium are required by law to learn the harmonica. Now, every time I read a cool fact my heart pumps just as hard as four hearts, which octopus’s have. Facts are my life. Actually to be more precise facts are the soundtrack to my life… and that’s a fact.