Future college student discusses career opportunities

Rachel Tinkelman ('13)/Eastside Humor Editor

With college application season in full swing, I have to start thinking about what I might want to major in, and I’ve come to the realization that certain fields of employment are simply not open to me.  For one thing, I definitely can’t be an engineer, considering that it combines science and math.  I find some areas of science fascinating, like chemistry, and even physics.  But that didn’t stop me from dropping science as a core class for my upcoming senior year so that I could get out of lab, and more importantly so I could get out of taking gym and health (woohoo). And math… Well, I have been harboring a strong distaste for math since the seventh grade.  That was the year my inherent laziness really kicked in, and I’ve been a poor math student ever since.  So it looks like my future as an engineer went down the tubes a long time ago.

My Bubbie (that’s Yiddish for grandmother, but most people here probably know that, I mean, it is Cherry Hill) suggested that I set my sights on becoming the CEO of a major company, and leave things I enjoy doing, like writing, aside as a hobby.  Thanks Bub.  I’ll study business in college and as soon as I graduate I’m sure that some successful corporation is going to sweep me up and make me CEO.  Sounds like a set up to me, anyone see Fun With Dick and Jane? I’m not throwing out business as an option, but it’s definitely not my top choice, and besides it’s such a broad term.  “What kind of job do you have?”  “Oh, I’m in business.”  That’s not what I’d call highly informative.

But I guess people would be more specific and say things like, Oh I work for a bank, or I’m a ropes salesman, or I own a button factory.  Something like that.

But anyway, the one job I know is not for me, I mean, I would never be a teacher (no offense).  I feel like if I ever did become a teacher, it would be sheer force of habit, ingrained in my daily routine from elementary school on.  Not that I object to the job at all, or think it would be a waste of my time.  It’s just that I know I would get fired.  You know when you’re sitting there in class, laughing at that kid who manages to be hilarious at the same time he or she is mildly annoying?

Well, I can imagine how the teacher feels about that, and it probably doesn’t seem too funny. In fact, if I were a teacher, I know for sure that I would have cursed some kids I have in mind off and probably been sorely tempted to slap them.  I would probably be an English teacher, if any teacher, and that means essays.  Students’ essays would be so marked up with red ink because I would nit pick at them, and then I would feel bad and give them an A.  But just wait, after writing this, I’ll probably decide I want to be a teacher after all, and then I’ll never stop going to school.