First school, then Disney, then AP testing, then my season and then…
The list could go on. I could sit here and cry about everything that’s been taken away from my senior year. I could say screw the world and sit in my bed for the next few weeks.
But I can’t. I’m so programmed to have to be doing something 24/7. So while trying to be positive and productive, I’ve been sitting with a lot of my thoughts. And I’ve been writing all of them down. So here are a few of my entries:
“Today, all junior rowing [thus, my senior season] got cancelled. I feel so heartbroken…SJRC [South Jersey Rowing Club], you are the best thing to ever happen to me. I never wanted to be writing a goodbye, and it pains me that it has to be so soon….Thank you, thank you, thank you. I never wanted to part with you, but this is growing up. I thank the stars that I get to [row] for another four years, and I realize how lucky I am. Looking back on these past four years, I realize how lucky my life is.”
And another entry, looking back on these past four years:
“Things I’ve learned in high school:
– Everything is uncertain, life is about how you face that uncertainty.
– Never take a moment for granted.
– You are your biggest motivator.
– Everything will be okay in the end; if it’s not, then it’s not the end.”
So while it feels like everything I’ve been working towards this year (and for the past four years) is all for waste, I have to remind myself that I can only control so much.
This is a crazy time. There is so much uncertainty in the world. I don’t know what each day will look like, so I try to take every day for what it is. I now try to appreciate the small moments—walks in the park with my mom, seeing my friends from the trunks of our cars, and my puppy sitting on my bed while I do schoolwork. I do little things for myself, like running, face masks, making good quality food that I normally don’t have the patience or time for, and finding ways to be creative.
And I always remember: If everything’s not okay, then it’s not the end.