BBQ replaces DBQ fourth marking period

Adam Ritz ('10)

The DBQ or Document Based Question is an occasion met often with both joy and sorrow. But just recently the school passed a brand new method of test questioning that will replace this monstrosity, the BBQ. The BBQ, or Beef Based Question, will be, according to the recent school board meeting, “The greatest thing to happen to our school since canned bread was added to the vending machine!” The idea was proposed by Mr. Frank Barbert, a history teacher at East.

“I just knew that students were not learning anything from these questions,” said Mr. Barbert in a recent interview conducted by Fox News, “so I thought about ways to make kids more excited about answering their test questions. I quickly noticed that kids are always more attentive and willing during their lunch periods, so I incorporated some of the traits of lunch into students’ tests.”

During a BBQ, the teacher will hand out a t-bone steak to each student. The student will have to analyze his or her personal steak, as no two steaks are alike (so no one can cheat). The student will then have to show some way that his/her T-bone steak is related to an assigned topic in history.

“It can be anything,” explains Mr. Barbert, “If a student thinks outside the box, he can even look at the patterns on the meat and tell us what historical events they see.”

The BBQ questions will vary per class level. R-level will be getting questions such as: “How is this Steak related to the Pearl Harbor bombings?” An appropriate response would be: “After the Pearl Harbor bombings, many of the bombers went out on a celebratory feast to a local diner and had steak.” Higher levels, such as AP-level classes, would be given difficult questions that include quote references, such as: “‘There is nothing to Fear, but Fear itself!’ How can this quote be related to the Steak?” A possible answer would be: “This statement inspired bravery throughout America, such as making farmers not afraid to kill large animals that would often bombard their crops and goods. They would turn the animals that had attacked into delicious and juicy t-bone steaks which would be sold for higher profit.”

Once the tests are handed in, the student will be led down to the cafeteria, where they will hand in their T-bone steak to be cooked. Their steaks will be handed back, along with their BBQ results, at the BBQ honorary barbeque, open only to the top ten percent of the students.

Be on the lookout for this exciting, medium rare, juicy and delicious new test method to be given out during the fourth marking period.