Dr. Schapman gets kicked out of local Walmart by angry employee Dr. O’Schmeeza

CHERRY HILL, New Jersey – On Friday evening, at around 7:30 p.m., Dr. Lawyer Schapman, 78, used the P.A. system to make an unsolicited announcement at the Cherry Hill Walmart on Route 38.

The store manager, Rick Stevens, explained these “pranks” happen all too often. “Usually, a group of teenagers who have nothing better to do ironically go to Walmart on a Saturday night, hijack the P.A. system and make announcements,” he said.

“The nature of these announcements varies, but they are ordinarily crude and highly inappropriate,” Stevens explained. “Just last week a teenager slipped under the customer service desk and made a store-wide announcement praising our 62-year-old employee Rita Williams and her ‘voluptuous figure.’”

Schapman, unlike the normal Walmart prankster, made a heartwarming and memorable announcement. According to Williams, who was working at the store, Schapman walked right into the Cherry Hill Walmart and made a mad dash for the customer service desk.

O’Schmeeza, 68, a newly-appointed Ladies’ Beauty Department manager, also witnessed the scene. “I could tell he was up to no good,” he said. “…there was something about him that just rubbed me the wrong way.”

O’Schmeeza could not have been closer to the truth. Just a minute after entering, Schapman reached the P.A. system and his voice flooded the store.

Through surveillance video and bystander recounts Eastside pieced together an exclusive transcript of Schapman’s entire announcement:

“Good evening, Cherry Hill Walmart, a community of shoppers striving for retail excellence in all that we do. It is a gorgeous Friday evening. As I look around, I see something special in this store. I see an almost palpable will to succeed. I see your capacity for greatness in everything that you do. Just the other day, shoppers, I came here to this very Walmart to buy a toaster and a sales associate humbled me with his random act of kindness. Not only did he lead me to the toasters, but he showed me a toaster that had a slot for hotdogs. Thanks to his intelligence and overwhelming kindness, I can now cook a hotdog in my toaster. Yes, shoppers, in my toaster. Shoppers, I want you to learn from this kind man. I want you to go above and beyond in everything that you do and carve new paths every hour of every day. You are the future of this world and it is up to you to make great change. We are a united community of shoppers striving for excellence. I have faith in each and every one of you and it is time to invest in your future. Exercise your intelligence every day, exercise your kindness every day and make your mark on this community of shoppers. Have a wonderful evening and never stop adding to this community with your random acts of kindness.”

A disgruntled O’Schmeeza said, “Man, it was absurd, nobody was stopping him…he was just going on and on and really it was up to me to do something.”

He added, “It’s not like anyone else was going to do something…everyone was just so captivated by his words.”

O’Schmeeza admitted that as a Ladies’ Beauty Department manager, any attempt to stop the announcement would be out of his jurisdiction.

His managerial power is limited to aisles four to six, said Stevens, the store manager. But O’Schmeeza did not care.

O’Schmeeza was on a mission.

Before Schapman could utter another word, a determined O’Schmeeza dove onto Schapman and ripped the microphone from his hands. He proceeded to pull Schapman out of the store by the collar of his wool jacket, said Williams and several other bystanders.

O’Schmeeza said, “It was really weird. As I was escorting him out of the store he kept looking to people and politely nodding and saying, ‘Good evening shopper, good evening shopper.’”

A representative from Walmart’s East Coast corporate office released the following statement: “We do not condone the misuse of company equipment. Our public address system is to be exclusively used for emergencies and price checks. However, Dr. Lawyer Schapman is welcome to make announcements in all of our stores, whenever he pleases. Dr. Lawyer Schapman is both charming and intelligent and he offers a much-needed morale boost to employees and Walmart shoppers alike.”

Schapman could not be reached for a comment, but his secretary at Cherry Hill High School East said the following: “I honestly think Dr. Schapman just likes P.A. systems… that’s why he went into the education field. There’s just something about hearing his own voice over a P.A. system that excites him.”

The up-and-coming Ladies’ Beauty Department manager, O’Schmeeza, was fired after the Schapman incident. However, he stands by his actions.

“That man can’t just waltz into my store and start making announcements,” said O’Schmeeza.

He hopes to follow his passion for ladies’ beauty retail. Currently he is pursuing a position at Target.

“I’m actually excited for this new change,” said O’Schmeeza. “I always admired the ladies’ beauty inventory at Target and I just know the red uniform will really bring out my natural skin complexion.”