Congratulations, moviegoer; movies are getting worse, and it’s all your fault

Zack Rosenblatt ('09)/Eastside Entertainment Editor

In case you haven’t heard, the economy isn’t so great. However, the one bright spot in these dark financial times has been the movie industry. The box office is booming, and 2009 is on pace to be the most financially successful year of all-time. In terms of money, the film industry is obviously on the rise. But in terms of quality? Movies have taken a turn for the worse. And whose fault is that exactly? Well, it is because of you (the moviegoer). Inspired by the recent atrocities (yet successes) that were Paul Blart and Fast & Furious, I have compiled a list of just a few of the things that are YOUR fault. Why are they your fault? Because YOU are the one choosing to go to the movies, and you are the one paying.

It is your fault that such dreadful, un-funny garbage as Paul Blart: Mall Cop is the highest grossing film of 2009.

It is your fault that a completely unrelated, and vastly superior, “mall cop” comedy (Observe and Report) garnered a measly $11 million opening weekend (compared to over $30 million for Blart).

It is your fault that Seth Rogen’s career-best performance will never get the attention it deserves.

While it may be Universal’s fault for making a fourth Fast and the Furious film, it is your fault that there will be a fifth.

It is not your fault that Paul Walker has less acting ability than the automobiles in which he races, but it is your fault that he will continue to do so.

It is your fault that one disaster film, in terms of both plot AND quality (Day the Earth Stood Still), starring one of the most untalented actors working today (Keanu Reeves), can become a number one film at the box office.

It is your fault that just three months later a similar disaster film, both in terms of plot AND quality (Knowing) starring one of the most untalented actors working today (Nicolas Cage) can also become a number one film at the box office.

It is your fault that pretentious comic book adapted bologna like Ghost Rider and Fantastic Four can combine to earn $400 million at the box office.

It is your fault that such transcendent, masterful graphic novel adaptations like Sin City, Watchmen and V for Vendetta only managed $250 million. 

It is your fault that a revolutionary, impacting and mind-blowing work of art like Watchmen can be faithfully and brilliantly brought to the big screen, yet only be seen by enough people to earn less money than Alvin & the Chipmunks.

I’ll stop here (at least for now), as I could go on forever. But I leave you with one question, a question that Seth Meyers repeats quite often on “Saturday Night Live”…REALLY?!