Allstar Weekend’s “Suddenly Yours” album review

Bryan Sheehan ('13)/ Eastside Editorial Assistant

courtesy of songlyrics.com, The album cover for "Suddenly Yours"

I have never felt physically nauseous after listening to music. Granted, I am a harsh critic and I’ve listened to some horrible music, but I never thought there could be any music that could make me sick to my stomach, until now.

Disney-pop band Allstar Weekend, with all their boyband glory, had me questioning my faith in music and humanity with their new album, Suddenly Yours. This auto-tuned, whiny, and just awful collection of clichéd songs written by corporations to inspire love from the target audience, teenage girls, belongs either in the garbage bin or blasting through the speakers at Radio Disney. The four member “band” consists of the “attractive” teenage boys young girls go crazy for. But in reality, the lead singer is a 22-year-old who sounds as if he depends on auto-tune to fix his pitchy and whiney voice, as well as three other “band members” who also sound as if they don’t play their instruments on the recorded tracks. It is as if the drums, guitar and bass are all done by regular studio musicians.

Even if these horrible qualities can be chalked up to being a characteristic of the genre, AllStar Weekend, unlike other bands on the Disney-pop-rock genre, has no rhythm, the singing is overproduced and still clunky, and random techno beats are thrown in throughout songs. In addition, the lyrics usually don’t make much sense. Take the song “Here With You,” for example, where the singer says that a girl is his “favorite season” in a poor effort to find a rhyme for the word reason, and where the singer says “you’re taped to my wall like you’re glued in my brain”.

AllStar Weekend’s Suddenly Yours should not be called music. The singer whines out nonsensical lyrics, and the music is produced from a collection of random techno beats and other musicians hired to play the parts for teenagers. Nevertheless, preteen girls will go absolutely insane for this collection of  “dreamy” boy band teens.

½ stars out of 5